There isn’t a God

The atheist said.

I believe that some clod

Made him up in his head.

 

It started with campfires

In long distant times

When all men were liars

And stories were rhymes

 

They told of a father

In bright skies above

Whose edicts were rather

Deficient in love.

 

He made earth and heaven

By sternest decree

And continents seven

And then you and me.

 

He bade us walk upright

And couple and frolic.

Gave us language for spite

And drinks alcoholic.

 

At first we amused him

At least for a spell–

But then we confused him

And so he made hell.

 

Don’t smite us, we said:

Give us law, give us letter

Though you wish we were dead

We can try to do better.

 

He sent flood, he sent drought and

The whole divine arsenal–

When we did what we oughtn’t

He began to get personal:

 

I’ve had it, he said

With your insolent ways

Though I wish you were dead

I still need your praise

 

For I cannot be Phallic

Without all the homage,

I’d sooner be Gallic

And call Swiss cheese frommage.

 

So partly to tease us

(And partly for pleasure)

He sent his son Jesus

To even the measure

 

That Satan had botched

When he tricked gentle Eve

(Proving once again God

Had some tricks up his sleeve.)

 

I’ll make you a deal

You won’t want to refuse,

Let you out on appeal

“Buy you back”—you can’t lose!

 

And here is the bonus:

I’m paying your way!

I’ll carry the onus

Until Judgment Day.

 

No strings and no hassles

I’m God after all

I’ve got lots of castles…

I’m a thousand miles tall.

 

Besides, it’s my pleasure–

It shows my largesse

My noblesse oblige-sure

My omnipotence.

 

We’ll just lay it on Jesus

Your scarlet red sins

You’ll say, “How he frees us

To be good again!”

 

But you won’t,–I’m not stupid–

I’m God after all–

Not Isis or Cupid

And you’re very small.

 

You’ll sin and you’ll stumble

Like Adam and Eve did

With no snake to mumble

“Just take it and eat it.”

 

But this time the crime

Is forgiven full stop:

For I change over time

And I’m God, not a cop

 

Jesus died for your sins

Both the old ones and new

And salvation begins

When you think this is true.

 

It started with campfires

In long distant times

When all men were liars

And stories were rhymes

 

It is clear there’s no God,

The atheist said–

It is sure that some clod

Made him up in his head.